Lock up your underage daughters, Miami, they’re coming …
Remember Snowmageddon? Yeah, it sidelined the Jersey Shore cast too. Seeing as winter is not conducive to tanning, (plus, as Pauly D says, "girls don’t come out in this weather,") the "guidos" and "guidettes" decide to head to MIA, deciphered as "Miami" by "The Situation."
If you thought this season wouldn’t compare to last, you’re so very wrong. They’re back, they’re bronzer than ever, and they spit out more stupid comments in one episode than six blonde OC housewives do in five seasons.
God I missed them.
Enter Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, everyone’s favorite four foot tall, three feet wide bundle of joy who’s just snookin’ for love in all the wrong places. Her latest "gorilla juicehead" is Emilio (Spoiler alert: they break up and now he has his own show produced by none other than Spencer Pratt), whom she really doesn’t want to cheat on, but, "if you’re gonna hand me a bottle of SoCo, something just comes over me – I just go crazy!"
(MTV then furiously stocks the house with industrial sized vats of Southern Comfort.)
Snooki gem #1: Getting political
"I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning. Because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan. Obama doesn’t have that problem. Obviously."
Perhaps something Obama should have discussed with the ladies of "The View" on Wednesday.
Snooki and Jenni "JWOWW" Farley roadtrip down to Miami, trying to be the first ones down there to snag the best room. But with Snooki’s driving skills (she has to sit so close to the steering wheel her breasts are situated at the ten and two positions), and JWOWW’s driving-while-beating-the-beat, the pair end up being the last ones there. Fail.
But it’s all good, because along the way Snooki devours her first "frickle" (fried pickle) and the girls get hit on by a socially awkward fan whose attempt at fist pumping ends up looking more like an exorcism. His mom must be so proud.
Meanwhile, for those of you closely following star-crossed lovers Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, the couple made in guido heaven have broken up and things are about to get awkward. Sammi, though "single," is still in love with Ron, while he’s just looking to "get creepy and get weird."
In Staten Island, Vinny Guadagnino, the mama’s boy whose family wants him to "bang everything," claims he has standards, despite the fact that his plan is to "get with 60 girls, and if I can’t get one one night, I’ll just double up the next." We later find out he and Snooki slept together. It’s like the joke just writes itself.
No comments:
Post a Comment